You know you've won, in life, when people pay you to do what you would pay them to let you do


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Why?

I guess I'm still processing the fact that the Charolais bull that hunted me and was running when he hit me didn't kill me or after I saw him attack my cowboy that he isn't dead either.

When I reached out and put my hands on that huge head just before he hit me full on in the chest I was thinking a statistic I heard, only one in 6 people survive a bull attack. I closed my eyes and thought, this is it. But somehow it wasn't.

I got up and as I ran to the fence I saw that he had turned around and was running towards the man I love  most in the whole world. I saw him go flying along with his sunglasses, hat, and one boot. Then that same big head pushed into his body and rubbed him around as he lay on his back on the ground.

I yelled and waved and that big head came up but this time I was close enough to the fence when he came at me again. I clambered up but not so high that he couldn't have hit my leg and maybe knocked me off my precarious perch. He seemed a little confused when he got to me and didn't. My cowboy rolled under the fence out of harms way.

I'm getting to the age when death actually holds some appeal. I've raised my kids to be self-sufficient, got to do what I wanted to my whole life (be a real cowgirl), had good horses and good dogs that I think might even be waiting for me on the other side along with parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles I loved, and maybe even some relatives I never met but would really like. I've got lots of room for improvement but I'm not afraid to meet my Maker (in fact, I'm looking forward to that).

So . . . why? Obviously there's a reason; I just don't know what it is.

8 comments:

Shirley said...

That is a horrific story. I understand what you are saying in your last paragraph, sometimes when I look at all the wrong turns this world is taking I long for heaven, and don't fear death. I have done the best I can and strive every day to do better; I hope I am ready when He calls me.
Your work here isn't done, my friend; you'll know in time. I've always said the mills of God grind slow and exceeding small.

fernvalley01 said...

I think it is as Shirley says , your work here is not done. You have much to share and teach. Even the wreck with the bull serves as an education to all that even the most seasoned and wise of cattle handlers can be caught unaware and injured.

LindaG said...

*hugs* ♥

Nicole said...

So you could grace us with your presence. :). Plus we may not always see God's plan and sometimes it doesn't make sense, but we just see the small picture and he sees the large one. Please remind me of this when times get hard and I get down :)

altadenahiker said...

Sorry, anyone who takes those cloud pictures is not on her way out.

The Wife said...

Everyone above gave you great words. I ditto their responses. It's not your time and you have much more life to live.

Cheyenne said...

Oh boy, I can't fathom. This will probably haunt you for the rest of your life and something I will petition God to help you forget.

You are here for many reasons, mostly because it is exactly where God wants you to be.

Blessings to you, friend!

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Trotted over here from Karen's blog (Life at the Rough String) after reading a comment from Shirley about your Bull Attack. I've spent the last hour reading through your thoroughly enjoyable blog and your facinating way of life.

I've been seriously hurt 3 times by my horses in just as many years. I had to wait until my 40's to own my first horse and it's been a lifelong dream....only to keep being dashed by injury after injury. This last injury was a doozy and could have killed me, and I keep asking myself why I wasn't killed. I think it's because I still have three children that need me and aren't yet grown up enough to head out on their own.
But my own Mother died when I was only 8 years old. And my youngest is already 7. Was I ready to live without my Mama when I was only 8 years old? I really doubt it. It sure changed a lot of who I grew up to be, I'm sure.
So why haven't I been killed these 3 times?

Sometimes I get down and think these are just warnings telling me to stop what I'm doing and give up my dreams of riding and owning horses. My tears fall as I type these words........

Maybe the next time I get hurt my warnings will be over and that will be the end.

Each time I get hurt my confidence is destroyed yet again. But I pick myself back up and try again. I sold my first horse that hurt me twice. And now I have a sweet, kind, patient mare that has helped me find my confience again. But 2 weeks ago she did something totally unexpected....she kicked me in the had and broke my face. I'm worried that this time my confidence won't come back, because this is a horse I trusted with all my heart and......now I don't.

Anyway, I apologize for blabbering here in your comments section. Your accident just made me think a little bit deeper about why bad things happen and who they happen to, and what they mean....if anything.
I think I believed that true hard core cowboys and cowgirls never got hurt, either from their horses or their cows. Cowboys and Cowgirls seem like their made of steel...and even when they fall off a bronco or a bull, they seem to bounce back up, wiping off the dust to ride again.
All of my falls and injuries caused by horses send me to the emergency room. I never bounce back up and dust myself off at all.

I hope you continue to heal and you never get hurt by any nasty tempered bulls again. I admire you for your honesty, perserverance, and bravery.

~Lisa
New Mexico